The best way to find love

If you are alone, or in a bad relationship, or just unlucky in love, you should watch a TV show on Bravo called The Milionaire Matchmaker about a woman named Patti Stanger. She calls herself a "third generation matchmaker" which might be a stretch- I imagine maybe her grandmother hooked up a few people and maybe her mom did the same- who hasn't fixed up some people and gotten lucky?

But having said that, Stanger really does know what she's talking about. She holds casting session for prospective dates for her millionaires and she really tears into the applicants, but the thing is, they deserve it and she's almost always right.

She understands what men and women are really looking for in a partner. A normal woman doesn't want a weak, wimpy guy, and a normal man isn't turned on by an intense, bossy woman.

Watching this show is a real education. Stanger pulls back the curtain on human desire and while some of her ideas seem crass or too direct- the mixers, the mini-dates- they all serve a purpose. When it comes to men she always says "the penis does the picking", meaning that sexual attration is the most important thing, and it really is.

I believe that unless you are seriously, strongly, irresistably attracted to the other person than you shouldn't be together.

I've learned that sarcasm is a huge turn-off. As she says, "No one wants to ride that ride".

The millionaires on the show always make a number of mistakes but I've noticed the biggest one is this: they use the first date as a means to "test" the other person. One guys was in the business of picking through trash and he based the first date around searching through rubble. Others insist on including their buddies so "she'll know what she's getting herself into" when really he just wants their security and to get his friends' impression of her.

Others, who are clearly single for a reason, resist her efforts to change them because they want to be taken as they are. But no one would ever want them as they are.

The most important lessons you can learn fromthis show are these unavoidable truths- if you want to be attractive to other people...

If you're a man you have to be masculine.
If you're a woman you have to be feminine.
No one likes sarcasm.
Listen to advice from other people, whether it's your friends, family, or a matchmaker. They're not saying these things for no reason.
Don't go on and on about yourself.
Be genuinely interested in the other person.
Be as clean and attractive as you can be.
Don't be judgemental.
Don't try to test the other person and have the attitude- "Well if they can't handle this then they can't handle me".
Be fun to be around. Be open to doing new things.
Don't be so concerned about what other people do for a living. It's none of your business at this point anyway.
Normal people aren't sexually attracted to people who are more than ten years older or younger than themselves. And if you're over forty nobody under thirty is interested in anything other than your money.


When you watch the show you can clearly see why certain people are single. The worst daters have been the gay men. They've all been over 35 and looked like they were over 45 yet they thought they were youthful-looking and they expected younger guys to be interested in them. On top of that, they were negative, looks-obsessed, and catty. One man started a date by announcing "I hate people" and then after he had alienated the other guy he complained that during the date he was "bored to tears".

My old friend Mareka once said "Only boring people get bored". I like that.