Machete

Machete (2010) Directed by Robert Rodreguez and Ethan maniquis

Machete is a great Friday night movie to watch while you'tre sitting at home on your loveseat drinking cranberry/ raspberry juice cocktail and eating croutons straight out of the bag.

That's the scene here except it's Tuesday night.

Normally movies with all-star casts suck. There's Mars Attacks. That movie is a piece of shit. And I look back fondly on the Cannonball Run movies but they're pretty weak.

Machete, though, is a good movie. I'm still watching it. Right now Lindsay Lohan is naked, Splash-style. Don Johnson and Cheech Marin are reunited- they were great in Tin Cup- but here they don't share any scenes. Jeff "The Lawnmowerman" Fahey does a good job as one of the bad guys and I can't get over how different he seems now that he's older.

Danny Trejo doesn't have a lot of lines, but he carries the whole movie well. After years of supporting roles this is his first time being the leading man and he does a great job.

So here's what I really think about Machete: It's an entertaining movie, but it just seems like an episode of CSI :Texas only it has nudity, swearing, and more blood. Note: Now I'm eating a bowl of bread & butter pickles. They go so good with croutons. Anyway, I can't help comparing Machete with Jackie Brown and Kill Bill. And Machete lacks all the elements that make Jackie and Bill special. I could watch Quentin Tarentino's movies over and over again. There are so many scenes that I love and am amazed by. If I never see Machete again that's fine- there's not one single scene that I remember and think, "That was great, I'd like to re-watch that".

Machete's over now so I'm gonna have one more cigarette and then I'm going to bed. Big day tomorrow, maybe. Good night.