Attraction

I don't have a certain type, but they all fall into the same catagory: the wrong guy. In my early 20s I was a magnet for compulsive liars and drug addicts. I didn't know much about drugs back then, and I'm still not much of a liar, but i made a connection with that type of person, and to a certain extent, I still do.

That doesn't really bother me, but one thing that I find hard to accept is my attraction to certain horrible characters- ones you've probably read about or seen on the news.

I'm, not trying to be shocking or funny. I hate to admit that I've been attracted to a certain mass murder who was executed for his horrible, disgusting crimes. I always thought he was very handsome, and he's the kind of guy that I would focus on when I was in middle and high school: angry, moody loners. I don't wanna say this guys name; I'll just say that I believe that if I had gotten to meet him I coukld've changed the direction of his life and he wouldn't have fallen in with a bunch of anti-government miltia-types.

He was probably into guys, or was at least confused, and being in the Army really fucked him up for good. I think his fucked-up "mission" became a substitute for sex. And I wish this guy had never been born- hundreds of people would habve happier lives today- but, still, I was truned on when I read a Vanity Fair article where he told the writer about how his jail cell is video-monitored and the guards can see his morning "pup tent".

There's also a certain guy who murdered one woman and was involved in ther disappearance of another. He's an evil person, but I came across a shirtless photo of him and saved it to the computer.

I'm not gonna worry about this too much. I'm also attracted to other- normal, decent, law-abiding- guys.