How not to write

Is it better to say bad things to someone or behind their back? That's a good question, and like a lot of difficult questions, the answer is, "It depends."

Here at RJ Battles I've written some unkind things about the blog The Daily Guru. But every time I wrote one of those posts it crossed my mind that maybe I should send a message or a comment directly to TDG. Just friendly suggestions. But there's not much fun in that, plus, who knows how those suggestions might be recieved. It's been my experience that people don't want to hear anything about their work other than "It's awesome".

So I'm not going to write to TDG and point out what I think are some flaws in his writing style. Instead, I'm going to highlight them here at RJ Battles and let his mistakes serve as a lesson to other writers out there. Stephen King said that the only way to be a good writer was to write a lot and read a lot. And reading bad writing is as important as reading good writing because it shows you what not to do.

The problem with The Daily Guru is that his music reviews are locked into a basic magazine music review formula. As a result, sentences are bloated with cliches and pointless phrases.

I'm going to use two recent reviews as examples.

On October 26 he posted about The Ronettes's "Be My Baby". In the first sentence he uses the phrase "one can easily argue". Then in the third sentence he says, "and yet it can easily be argued". He also ends the second paragraph with "one can easily argue".

Like most of the TDG posts, the "Be My Baby" review is four paragraphs long, and in a piece of writing that size overused words and phrases start to jump out at the reader.

The first, third, and forth paragraphs all contain the phrase "there is no question".

In paragraph two, the phrase "completely unique" is used two sentences in a row.

In one sentence he writes, "nothing short of iconic" and in the very next sentence he writes "nothing short of legendary". In the next paragraph: "nothing short of hypnotizing".

That's bad, right? No, it's good compared to today's post, a review of Simon and Garfunkel's "Bridge Over Troubled Water".

Four paragraphs containing a total of 28 sentences. Again, there are some cases that can be argued easily. But for the most part, there are no cases to be argued- there is, in fact, no question.

Paragraph One
"there is no question"

Paragraph Two
"it is without question"

Paragraph Three
"there is no question"
then, in the very next sentence-
"Yet there is no question"

Paragraph Four
"Yet there is no question"
"is without question"
"there is no question"

I saved my favorite thing for last. This is a sentence from Paragraph Four:

"Yet there is no question that the original stands far above the reach of any imitator, as the fragile beauty that Simon and Garfunkel created here is without question one of the most breathtaking moments to ever be captured on tape."

That sentence is pretty amazing on its own, but then when you think about how many times the phrase "no question" is used- 7- in a 28 paragraph review, you wonder how the writer could avoid noticing. It's crazy if you do the math- 1 out of every 4 sentences contains the phrase (except, as we know, that isn't exactly true; the phrase shows up twice in one sentence).

Anyway, (That's one of my own overused words; I'm no great writer myself. I know.) if you go to The Daily Guru and read these posts you can see that the phrases that he overuses are not needed. If they were erased his writing would be a lot cleaner. From Strunk and White's Elements of Style: "Omit needless words".

The Daily Guru

Lately I've been obsessed with the blog The Daily Guru. It's written by a man who calls himself "The Music Guru" and the reviews...

So many adverbs. And he'll use "truly" ten times in one post, sometimes in two sentences in a row.

The other striking feature is how everything is described in such an extreme way. He won't just say something is great, it's always the "most memorable bassline in the history of music" or "she undoubtably has the most unique voice of her generation".

I skimmed through the blog and found these quotes:

"Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" The Eurythmics
"Showing that she knew no boundaries in terms of pitch, her performance on the song is, without question, one of the most important moments in music history."

"Midnight Train to Georgia" Gladys Knight & the Pips
"Having been featured in coutless films, most notably in a rather iconic scene in The Deer Hunter, "Midnight Train to Georgia" is, without question, one of the most perfect and iconic songs ever recorded."

"You Really Got Me" The Kinks
(Skimming through the review I noticed that the word "iconic" was used at least three times.)
"Though it has been covered countless times over the past forty years, there truly is nothing that can compare to the phenomenal original 1964 recording as the Kinks truly changed the world with their hit "You Really Got Me"."

"Hunger Strike" Temple of the Dog
Without question, the combination of the voices of Vedder and Cornell found on "Hunger Strike" rank among the most stunning musical moments in history, and there are few songs that have ever been recorded that can boast such phenomenal vocals."

"Around the Way Girl" LL Cool J
""Kicking off with one of the most memorable lines in history, LL Cool J's rhyme of "I want a girl with extensions in her hair, bamboo earrings, at least two pair", immediately sets a tone like no other song that had been previously recorded."

"Walk on the Wild Side" Lou Reed
"Even without this knowledge, the fact that a song that so directly speaks of prostitution, drugs, and so many other "taboo" subjects became a top ten hit is yet another reason why there is no other artist worthy of being mentioned in the same breath as Lou Reed."

And my favorite:
Star LP Belly
"Whether it is the eerie, dark overtones of "Gepetto" or the deeply introspective title track, Donelly's lyrics transcend generations and rival any words ever written."

You can read the entire review of Star by going to The Daily Guru and going to October 9, 2009 in the archives.


So when you get some time, look around The Daily Guru and when you find some good quotes post them in the comments section. I think this'll be a lot of fun.

RJ Battles

From time to time I like to look at current state of the blog, RJ Battles, and try to decide if I like the direction it's going in, and how do I feel about it overall?

Right now I'm happy with some things, discouraged by others. The good news first:

I'm happy with the rate that I've been posting at. I've been very productive this year and especially the last two months (does the quality match the quantity? no, but I'll work on that). But at least if someone finds RJ Battles and likes it they'll have a lot to read and look at.

The bad news:

I feel like there's nothing here to get really excited about and nothing to get involved in (though there are a couple posts where you can vote for your favorite Prince record sleeves). And while my writing has gotten better, it's been a while since I wrote something that I really loved and was proud of, a post where I really impressed myself.

I'm always comparing myself to Final Girl, but I also know that ultimately I can't compare my writing to hers or anyone elses. She has her writing style and I have mine and I just need to develop mine further and focus on my strengths.

I'll be happy once I feel that I write well enough that my posts are well thought-out and organized and easy to read. I want to be as clear as possible and hold the reader's attention throughout. I'm not going to be clever or funny but I can be entertaining and interesting.

There's one thing I do that makes me feel like an awesome writer. Whenever I feel like I'm not doing well I go and read the blog The Daily Guru.

I've mentioned The Daily Guru here before. I posted his review of The Breeders' Pod along with my re-write. His writing style is horrible. It reads like any music magazine hack's record review. Everybody is a "genius" and every song is "iconic". And he doesn't seem to notice that he'll use the word "truely" ten times in one post. It's really funny, at least to me. if you wanna have a good time, look up his review of Belly's Star that he posted last year.

I feel like an asshole for writing all this but if you're gonna call yourself a "guru" (a word that I hate) you're kind of asking for it.

"The Daily Guru"

I found the blog The Daily Guru the other night when I was looking for information on the recording of The Breeders Pod. Last year, the guy who writes TDG, "the music guru", posted about a different "essential" album every day.

I read a few of them and I couldn't believe all the problems I saw. Now, I'm no great writer, and I know that when I write about music my comments aren't so great:"I really like Jenny Lewis's album Rabbit Fur Coat; it's got some great songs". I know this and that's why my reviews are usually very short. What can I say about the Jenny Lewis album that's going to make you want to listen to it. Really, all I can say is that I like it.

Anyway, these reviews were your typical album review, stuff you've read a thousand times in Rolling Stone or Spin. Except certain words and phrases were used way to much. Plus I don't even want to get into the review of Belly's Star LP. I wanted to re-write that one too but it was just way too crazy.

OK, I like Star. I like Tanya Donelly. I don't know, though, if I would say, "...Donelly's lyrics transcend generations and rival any words ever written".

Anyway, part of me wants to write to The Daily Guru and point out- in a friendly way- some of the problems with the reviews. I worry, though, that the advice might not be taken in the spirit in which it is given and it might make him very angry. I'm afraid- what if what he lacks in writing talent he makes up for in computer virus-creation ability? It's probably best not to say anything.

RJ Battles re-write

I looked up Pod and I found the following review on a blog called The Daily Guru. Sure, blogs are casual- this one is- and my blog isn't a source for perfect, or even great, writing. But "The Music Guru"'s post bothered me so much that I spent the past 45 minutes re-writing it.


Notice how often the word "truly" is used. And "sparse".
And pick up all the magazine album review cliches.

In William Strunk's writing guide The Elements of Style,one of his rules is "Omit needless words". That's what I tried to do in my re-write. I wanted to purge the overused words & phrases and take out the parts that I thought weren't needed.

The Music Guru's post is first, followed by my version. Neither are perfect, but see if you agree with me about the differences.

Pod (1990) The Breeders,
from The Daily Guru, November 15, 2009

In most cases, when a group that is considered a “super-group” makes a record, the expectations are extremely high, and the group implodes soon after. This is almost always due to clashes within the group due to overwhelming egos. However, from time to time, these “super-groups” work, and the music they produce marks pivotal moments in music history. One of these successful forays into “super-group” music making was when a pair of the finest performers of the “alternative” uprising of the 1980’s paired up and formed one of the greatest bands of the early 1990’s: The Breeders. The core of the group was ex-Pixies bassist, Kim Deal, and ex-Throwing Muses vocalist and guitarist, Tanya Donelly (who would form Belly after recording on the first Breeders record). One can make the case that both Deal and Donelly were tired of being the “second fiddle” in their respective groups, and The Breeders offered them both a place to fully explore their own musical ideas. The music of The Breeders is as fresh and original as one will find anywhere, as it understandably combines the sparse, almost dark instrumentation of Throwing Muses with the uniquely warped pop perspective of The Pixies. Due to changing lineups, each of The Breeders’ seven albums has its own, unique feel, yet they all share a similar musical ethos. This variance in sound makes every album well worth owning, yet it is The Breeders’ 1990 debut, Pod, that stands as their finest musical achievement, as well as one of the most important albums in the development of the “alternative” music scene.

While having Kim Deal and Tanya Donelly on the same record should be enough reason for everyone to buy the record, there is one more individual who worked on the record that truly pushes its iconic status over the top. Handling the production on Pod is none other then the King of grunge production, Steve Albini. Though Albini worked on some of the most significant records of the 1990’s, he himself admitted that, in the case of Pod, “…it is the one album on which I felt I got both the best sound for a band, and the best performance from a band….” Furthermore, Kurt Cobain often cited the album as a massive influence on his own playing, and in 1992, he said of the album, “…it’s an epic that will never let you forget your ex-girlfriend.” To garner such high accolades from many of the most respected and revered music figures of a generation only adds to the albums’ greatness, as it is truly a rock record like no other ever made. Albini’s production is as good as he stated, and the often sparse musical arrangements come through with maximum impact, whether it is the sharp percussion of “When I Was A Painter” or the uniquely, yet perfectly harmonized vocals of “Metal Man.” Furthermore, the fact that the songs themselves range so drastically, from full-tilt rock and roll numbers to extremely sparse, acoustic numbers, yet they all sound equally fantastic serves as a testament to both Albini’s talents, as well as the unparalleled musicianship within the band itself.

Finding a single musician who can so perfectly play such a wide range of musical styles is tough enough, yet on Pod, The Breeders manage to group together four players with such talents. Moving as a single unit through every song, every song on the album is truly perfect, and there is not a moment anywhere on the record that is anything less than extraordinary. The dual guitars of Deal and Donelly stands today as one of the most powerful and dynamic guitar pairings in history, and the way in which they play with and around one another is truly amazing. Whether they are playing massive, shared chords or trading equally powerful, clever licks, each proves that they are as talented a guitarist as any of their peers. Also coming from another band where perhaps her talents were being under-utilized, Josephine Wiggs (from Perfect Disaster) is absolutely brilliant on bass throughout all of Pod. Albini’s production keeps her playing far to the front of the mix, and the more dominant bass gives The Breeders much of their trademark sound. In fact, it is this purposeful prominence of the bass that would help to give The Breeders their biggest single, with the surprise 1993 hit, “Cannonball.” Though credited as “Shannon Doughton,” the drumming on Pod was provided by Britt Walford. Though Walford would only last a single record with The Breeders, he playing throughout the album are as solid as his bandmates, and the textures he is able to create are the perfect backing for the rest of the music. There is not an off note anywhere on Pod, and few records are as innovative and as diverse, whilst staying as musically powerful.

As if their brilliant interactions on guitar and writing wasn't enough to make Pod a true classic, Deal and Donelly also combine their voices, as they share and trade lead vocal duties throughout the album. With each possessing a wonderfully beautiful and absolutely unique voice, their singing blends perfectly, and Pod marks a point of change and exploration for both vocalists. It is also on Pod where both Deal and Donelly begin to truly find their writing voices, and the lyrics found throughout the album rank among the finest that either has ever penned. As a majority of the songs were written by Kim Deal, one can immediately begin to wonder just how much different (read as "better") the songs of The Pixies could have been had they given her more space to present her songs on their records. To call Deal's subject matter unique or quirky is an understatement, yet each verse is brilliantly crafted and the words come off as nothing short of stunning. The Breeders also take a quick moment to put a very distinctive spin on The Beatles' classic, "Happiness Is A Warm Gun." Giving the song a far more aggressive and darker spin then the original, in many ways, the music presented by The Breeders more accurately captures the overall tone of the lyrics. Perfectly matching lyrical and vocal approach is clearly a trademark of The Breeders, and whether it is Kim Deal or Tanya Donelly that is singing, every song found on Pod is truly a flawless musical experience.

Presenting more concentrated creativity over the course of just one half hour then most bands produce in their entire career, one cannot overstate the importance of debut record from The Breeders. With the amazing skills brought to every song by Kim Deal and Tanya Donelly, it forces one to question just who was the most talented member of their previous bands. Every single song on Pod is truly amazing, and the group is able to find the ideal balance between the sparse, dark mood of Throwing Muses and the endearingly quirky "anti-pop" of The Pixies. Truly showing no fear, the group goes full-tilt into every style of music which they explore, and the resulting songs remain some of the most original and influential ever recorded. All four musicians execute the songs perfectly, and the way in which they are able to move as a single unit served as the blueprint for many of the "alternative rock" grooves that became international superstars in the following years. Whether it is Kim Deal's distinctive lyrics or the way in which she and Tonya Donelly interact throughout the record, Pod is a truly special musical experience, and neither performer can show such chemistry within any of their other musical endeavors. While The Breeders would find greater commercial success with their later records, it is on their truly stunning 1990 debut, Pod, where one finds the "genuine" spirit of the band, and the record is by far one of the most important records for the development of the "alternative" music boom that followed in its wake.


Pod (1990) The Breeders,
re-written by RJ Battles,
(it was more of an edit- I just dropped over-used words and tightened things up a bit)
April 6, 2010

Usually, when a “super-group” forms, the expectations are extremely high, and the resulting record is a disappointment . Sometimes, however, these “super-groups” work, and the music they produce marks a pivotal moment in music history. One successful foray into “super-group” music-making was the formation of The Breeders in 1990. The core of the group was ex-Pixies bassist, Kim Deal, and ex-Throwing Muses vocalist and guitarist, Tanya Donelly (who left the Breeders after recording the Safari EP). Both Deal and Donelly were tired of being the “second fiddle” in their respective groups, and The Breeders offered them both a place to explore their own musical ideas. Pod is as fresh and original an album as one will find anywhere, as it understandably combines the sparse, almost dark instrumentation of Throwing Muses with the uniquely warped pop perspective of The Pixies. Due to changing lineups, each of The Breeders’ seven albums also has its own, unique feel, yet they all share a similar musical ethos. This variance in sound makes every album well worth owning, yet it is The Breeders’ 1990 debut, Pod, that stands as their finest musical achievement, as well as one of the most important albums in the development of the “alternative” music scene.

While having Kim Deal and Tanya Donelly on the same record should be enough reason for everyone to buy the record, there is one more individual who worked on the record who pushes its iconic status over the top. Handling the production on Pod is the king of grunge production, Steve Albini. Albini worked on some of the most significant records of the 1990’s, and he said of Pod, “…it is the one album on which I felt I got both the best sound for a band, and the best performance from a band….”. Furthermore, Kurt Cobain called the album "an epic" and often cited it as a massive influence on his own playing. To garner such high accolades from two of the most respected and revered music figures of a generation only reflects the album's greatness. Albini’s production is as good as he stated, and the musical arrangements come through with maximum impact, whether it is the sharp percussion of “When I Was A Painter” or the perfectly harmonized vocals of “Metal Man.” Furthermore, the fact that the songs themselves range so drastically, from full-tilt rock and roll numbers to sparse, acoustic numbers, yet they all sound equally fantastic serves as a testament to both Albini’s talents, as well as the unparalleled musicianship within the band itself.

The dual guitars of Deal and Donelly stand today as one of the most powerful and dynamic guitar pairings in history, and the way in which they play with and around one another is amazing. Whether they are playing massive, shared chords or trading clever licks, each proves that they are as talented a guitarist as any of their peers. Also coming from another band where perhaps her talents were being under-utilized, Josephine Wiggs (from Perfect Disaster) is absolutely brilliant on bass. Albini’s production keeps her playing far to the front of the mix, and the more dominant bass gives The Breeders much of their trademark sound. In fact, it is this purposeful prominence of the bass that would later give The Breeders their biggest hit, “Cannonbal.” from 1993's Last Splash. Though credited as “Shannon Doughton,” Britt Walford provided the drumming on Pod. Walford would only last a single record with The Breeders, but his playing is as solid as his bandmates', and the textures he creates are the perfect backing for the rest of the music.

As if their brilliant interactions on guitar and writing weren't enough to make Pod a classic, Deal and Donelly also combine their voices, as they share and trade vocal duties throughout the album. Each possess a beautiful voice and their singing blends perfectly. It is also on Pod where they both begin to find their writing voices, and their lyrics rank among the finest that either has ever penned. As a majority of the songs were written by Kim Deal, one can immediately begin to wonder just how much different (read as "better") the music of The Pixies could have been had they given her more space to present her songs on their records. Deal's subject matter is unique and quirky and each song is brilliantly crafted.

The Breeders also take a quick moment to put a very distinctive spin on The Beatles' classic, "Happiness Is A Warm Gun." Giving the song a far more aggressive and darker spin then the original, in many ways, The Breeders version more accurately captures the overall tone of the lyrics. Perfectly matching lyrical and vocal approach is clearly a trademark of The Breeders, and whether it is Kim Deal or Tanya Donelly that is singing, every song found on Pod is a flawless musical experience.

Presenting more concentrated creativity over the course of just one half hour then most bands produce in their entire career, one cannot overstate the importance of Pod. With the amazing skills brought to every song by Kim Deal and Tanya Donelly, it forces one to question just who was the most talented member of their previous bands. The Breeders go full-tilt into every style of music which they explore, and the resulting songs remain some of the most original and influential ever recorded. Whether it is Kim Deal's distinctive lyrics or the way in which she and Tanya Donelly interact, Pod is a special musical experience, and neither performer has shown such chemistry within any of their other musical endeavors. While The Breeders found greater commercial success with their later records, it is on their stunning debut where one finds the genuine spirit of the band, and the album is one of the most important records for the development of the "alternative" music boom that followed.