Here are a few horoscopes I pulled from the UMass-Amhearst Daily Collegian.
Aquarius- Buy low. Sell high. Buy low. Sell in a giant loop. Invest in roller coasters.
Pisces- Bananas are an excellent source of potassium. Corpses are an excellent source of embalming fluid.
Leo- That guy you make fun of in class? He's drawing up the blueprints for your demise right now.
Capricorn- Listerine is not a beverage and no amount of tiny umbrellas is going to make it one.
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