"Psycho Ex-Girlfriend"

My roommate has some old Playboys from 2001 lying around and I was reading one and came across a short article about a man who posted 50 crazy voicemails from his then-girlfriend.

I'd never heard about it before but I get the idea the website was a very big deal at the time. I just listened to all the messages (save one that didn't connect to Windows Media Player and one that was removed from the site for privacy reasons.

The background is the woman was around 37 years-old and the guy, Mark, was in his mid to late 20s or maybe early 30s. They dated for 6-8 months prior to February 2001 when all these voicemails were recorded. Also I take it the man was a cell-phone salesman and she signed a contract with him- he sold her a phone and a rate plan.

If you haven't already, you have to listen to these messages and you have to listen to all of them. They are amazing.

Now half of these voicemails were left in one night (that's my favorite section) and there 's going to be a point where you're going to start feeling very bad for her. She's crying, begging him to call her back, she's hinting that she's gonna kill herself, and you might start to feel guilty for listening. That feeling will pass.

She's desperate and she's grasping at anything she can think of to get a response from him:

She "hurt" herself.

She's gonna need to go to the hospital.

She wants out of her cell contract because he didn't teach her how to use her cell like he promised he would.

She wants her cat back.

Her father has prostate cancer and needs to go in for surgery.

She threatens to call her own mother and ask her to call him.

She says she's accepted an invitation for a date the following night.

And I love the way she goes back and forth:
"If you don't call me back it's over",
"I hate you",
"I love you",
"You obviously don't care about me. I'm moving on", and
"I'll tell them you never taught me how to use the phone cause you were busy boozing it up at the bar".

Trust me, just listen to all of it. And don't get me wrong. The guy, Mark, is not blameless, I'm sure. In fact, I'll bet he's an asshole. But this woman is not so much crazy as she is manipulative. By the end of it all you'll be on Mark's side.