Correction

Correction:

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt aren't married.

By the way, last year I saw something really funny on TV. I don't know who she was but this actress was talking to her friends and one of them said that Maddox always looks unhappy. I'll paraphrase her response-

"No shit, he's unhappy. Imagine you're an orphan in fucking Cambodia. Then one day you win the fucking lottery- some rich American actress wants to adopt you. Jackpot! You finally get to escape and live in Hollywood. Then what happens? She ends up taking you on a tour of every fucking third-world hellhole on the map. I'd be feeling burned too."

Always leave them wanting more

So many of my faithful readers have been clamoring for my long-awaited review of the film Shattered Glass. All I can say is: It will be well worth the wait. If you're waiting to read my review before you watch the movie yourself you don't really have to hold off.

And all the readers who haven't been begging for the Glass review are getting antsy so my Breeders post. That will be more tricky, because, for whatever reason, Blogger isn't letting me add pictures, or at least, Blogger didn't let me the last two times I tried. I'll fix that problem in time or, hopefully, the problem will fix itself.

So what do I have to offer?

The other day, someone- someone who I've only known a short time- asked me what makes me angry. They've only seen my shiny cheerful side and wanted to know what if I ever get thrown into a rage, and if so, what does it.

It's a good question and I thought for a moment before answering. RJ's a pretty easy-going guy and there isn't much that gets me mad. Still...

Dr. Phil.

He's such a fucking douchebag. I hate the fact that he is happy and successful. Oprah- though she's very smart otherwise- is the type of powerful person who is easily tricked by shady, crafty people. She's always looking for something profound. She's a sucker for pretty words and clever slogans, folksy wisdom.

In my head I can hear her saying,"I heard [fill in the blank] and something clicked in my mind and I thought 'That is so true'", because she's said it a billion times.

So at some point, Dr. Phil was giving her some of his hillbilly fortune cookie shit and something must've sounded profound to her and now he's on every weekday from 4 to 5.

Combovers.

Having a combover is probably the shadiest, sleaziest thing a person could do (I'm surprised Phil doesn't have one). I feel bad for the poor barber who has to cut their hair. Imagine trying to give good haircuts and some guy comes in once a month with 6 inches of wispy locks from just above his ear that he wants you to leave alone.

Those are the main things- Phil and combovers- that's my answer. But theres's more.

That guy from Good Charlette & John Mayer. Both are "serious musicians", especially Mayer- "a sensitive singer songwriter". So how could he date Jessica Simpson? You don't have to be a music snob to consider her trash. Same thing with Benji (or Joel) and what's-her-name.

And, while we're at it, let's talk about movie stars who just happen to fall in love with whatever actor they happen to be cast with in a movie.

Out of all the people in the world they convince themselves that their perfect match is their current co-star. The perfect example is Angelina Jolie. How many co-stars has she married? Johnny Lee Miller, Billy Bob, then Brad Pitt (plus she fell in love with a woman who starred in a movie with her). It annoys me.

Partytime

I'm having a party- not this weekend, but the weekend after- most likely Friday, December 5th.

Right now I'm thinking of what I'll serve for food-
I'd like to go with appetizers: fried artichokes, stuffed olives, quesadillas- one time I made them w/ leftover Moo Shoo Pork and they were excellent.

Beer is boring so I'd like to go w/ vodka drinks, & maybe gin too. I also wanna make a tray of Jello shots- maybe cherry and lime for Christmas.

Choosing background music will be tough. So many of the songs on my computer are depressing and/or un-partylike. Lots of Elvis Costello, Aimee Mann, and Kristin Hersh. Then again, there's always "Strict Time", "Long Shot", & KH's cover of "Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except For Me & My Monkey".

Then there's my famous snack mix:
flat China Boy Chinese noodles
La Choy Chinese noodles
Croutons

For activities I'd like to set up a photo shoot where we can all take new profile pictures for out Facebook & Myspace pages. That's always fun.

It's gonna be great. I can't wait.

Coming Attractions

Coming soon...

***** My review of "Shattered Glass"

***** Spotlight on The Breeders

***** Plans for after I die

***** My recipe for a great snack mix

A Message To All My Friends

I'm lucky to have such wonderful friends. Everytime I've needed help you've been there. I wonder what I would do if anything ever happened to you. I've realized that if you die I won't be able to sponge off you anymore and that makes me sad.

That's why we need to make a plan for the future: I'd like to be in your will and/or the beneficiary of your life insurance policy.

And even if you don't have a fortune you can still leave me something. But, and this is very inmportant- it has to be something you know I'd want. For instance, Amber, please don't leave me Dusty as a joke because- I assure you- the joke will be on Dusty, a sad, scary joke, probably involving a woodchipper aimed at your headstone. I'm not a religious man, but I'd like to imagine you in the afterlife hearing a choir of angels, not the sound of shredded dog meat spewed onto a marble block.

I guess what I'm saying is: give me what I want and nobody gets hurt.

"Friday the 13th 3" 3-D DVD News

I saw yesterday that Friday the 13th 3 is coming out on DVD in 3-D in February. I can't wait.

Now they've gotta do Jaws 3.

"Blue Velvet"

Bluuuue Velvet (1986)

I'm watching Blue Velvet and you're watching it with me.

Kyle MacLauchlan plays a young man name Jeffrey Beaumont whose father has just had a heart attack. Later, in a field, he comes across a severed ear covered with ants. He breaks into the apartment of Dorothy Vallens (no relation to Ritchie). When she comes home early he hides in her closet till he's discovered. She's pissed, but instead of calling the cops, she makes him strip, and- on her knees- she kisses him.

They're interupted by Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper). He's pissed and huffing something. Jeff is back in the closet watching Frank rape Dorothy ("Don't you fucking look at me!" Frank keeps saying).

He's in and out.

Jeff comes out of the closet and gets Dorothy to bed. Rossellini has an intersting role- going back and forth between dominating to submissive. Roger Ebert has said he has a big problem with this movie- he feels that Rosselini is forced to degrade herself for no good reason- the story, the movie, doesn't justify the position that she puts herself in, and the situations that she/her charcater has to endure. I can't say whether or not it's worth it. I can say that she puts everything into her performance. (Did I mention I'm drunk on vodka? Just thought I should mention that. I don't always write this bad, sorry.)

I've been watching reruns of season 2 of Twin Peaks, amazed by how young Kyle Maclauchlan looks- and he's just a kid in this film.

Laura Dern too. A few years later she's in Wild at Heart. For a young woman she gives a very strong performance as Jefrey's girlfriend. She's still stunning; the last time I saw her she was playing the Poet Lauriet (that's probably spelled wrong) of the Bartlett administration on The West Wing. Still beautiful and interesting to watch.

I've seen parts of this movie before and always wanted to see the whole thing. Watching it you can see the progression to Twin Peaks- related images and themes. The moods that thet set are similar. I love a work of art that sets a mood. I've got no interst in movies that have a message or motive.

Clue sets a mood. My roommate has the DVD and I'm gonna try to watch it this weekend.

While everyone does a fine job in their role, ultimately it doesn't matter if things had been diferent. Chris Isaak could've been Jeffrey, Hellen Mirren might've been Dorothy and Sally was almost played by Molly Ringwold. None of that would've made a difference. It's the story and the music- it's the mood that this movie sets that makes it special.

n a side note, everyone in the movie looks exactly like mid-1980s, but miraculously they don't look dated like it was St Elmos Fire or something. That's an achievemnent.



And look at Brad Dourif- he's got the Miami Vice clothes but he's still a creepy guy from One Flew Over the Cukoos Nest and The Exorcist III.

And Dean Stockwell. I'm not sure but I think he's playing Joe Pesci's character from JFK. He might've been in as many Columbo episodes asd Peter Falk. I'll always remember him as Tony, Tony The Tiger, the best thing about Married to the Mob- even better than Matt Modine.


Gary Oldman in must've been thinging of Hopper in this movie when he did The Professional. He's super-creepy when he does what he he does with whatever those thing are. I think that song "That Thing You Do" was writtten about him.


(Note: You should see all the shit I just deleted. Retarded. Even worse than what you've just read.)