Correction

Correction:

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt aren't married.

By the way, last year I saw something really funny on TV. I don't know who she was but this actress was talking to her friends and one of them said that Maddox always looks unhappy. I'll paraphrase her response-

"No shit, he's unhappy. Imagine you're an orphan in fucking Cambodia. Then one day you win the fucking lottery- some rich American actress wants to adopt you. Jackpot! You finally get to escape and live in Hollywood. Then what happens? She ends up taking you on a tour of every fucking third-world hellhole on the map. I'd be feeling burned too."

Always leave them wanting more

So many of my faithful readers have been clamoring for my long-awaited review of the film Shattered Glass. All I can say is: It will be well worth the wait. If you're waiting to read my review before you watch the movie yourself you don't really have to hold off.

And all the readers who haven't been begging for the Glass review are getting antsy so my Breeders post. That will be more tricky, because, for whatever reason, Blogger isn't letting me add pictures, or at least, Blogger didn't let me the last two times I tried. I'll fix that problem in time or, hopefully, the problem will fix itself.

So what do I have to offer?

The other day, someone- someone who I've only known a short time- asked me what makes me angry. They've only seen my shiny cheerful side and wanted to know what if I ever get thrown into a rage, and if so, what does it.

It's a good question and I thought for a moment before answering. RJ's a pretty easy-going guy and there isn't much that gets me mad. Still...

Dr. Phil.

He's such a fucking douchebag. I hate the fact that he is happy and successful. Oprah- though she's very smart otherwise- is the type of powerful person who is easily tricked by shady, crafty people. She's always looking for something profound. She's a sucker for pretty words and clever slogans, folksy wisdom.

In my head I can hear her saying,"I heard [fill in the blank] and something clicked in my mind and I thought 'That is so true'", because she's said it a billion times.

So at some point, Dr. Phil was giving her some of his hillbilly fortune cookie shit and something must've sounded profound to her and now he's on every weekday from 4 to 5.

Combovers.

Having a combover is probably the shadiest, sleaziest thing a person could do (I'm surprised Phil doesn't have one). I feel bad for the poor barber who has to cut their hair. Imagine trying to give good haircuts and some guy comes in once a month with 6 inches of wispy locks from just above his ear that he wants you to leave alone.

Those are the main things- Phil and combovers- that's my answer. But theres's more.

That guy from Good Charlette & John Mayer. Both are "serious musicians", especially Mayer- "a sensitive singer songwriter". So how could he date Jessica Simpson? You don't have to be a music snob to consider her trash. Same thing with Benji (or Joel) and what's-her-name.

And, while we're at it, let's talk about movie stars who just happen to fall in love with whatever actor they happen to be cast with in a movie.

Out of all the people in the world they convince themselves that their perfect match is their current co-star. The perfect example is Angelina Jolie. How many co-stars has she married? Johnny Lee Miller, Billy Bob, then Brad Pitt (plus she fell in love with a woman who starred in a movie with her). It annoys me.

Partytime

I'm having a party- not this weekend, but the weekend after- most likely Friday, December 5th.

Right now I'm thinking of what I'll serve for food-
I'd like to go with appetizers: fried artichokes, stuffed olives, quesadillas- one time I made them w/ leftover Moo Shoo Pork and they were excellent.

Beer is boring so I'd like to go w/ vodka drinks, & maybe gin too. I also wanna make a tray of Jello shots- maybe cherry and lime for Christmas.

Choosing background music will be tough. So many of the songs on my computer are depressing and/or un-partylike. Lots of Elvis Costello, Aimee Mann, and Kristin Hersh. Then again, there's always "Strict Time", "Long Shot", & KH's cover of "Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except For Me & My Monkey".

Then there's my famous snack mix:
flat China Boy Chinese noodles
La Choy Chinese noodles
Croutons

For activities I'd like to set up a photo shoot where we can all take new profile pictures for out Facebook & Myspace pages. That's always fun.

It's gonna be great. I can't wait.

Coming Attractions

Coming soon...

***** My review of "Shattered Glass"

***** Spotlight on The Breeders

***** Plans for after I die

***** My recipe for a great snack mix

A Message To All My Friends

I'm lucky to have such wonderful friends. Everytime I've needed help you've been there. I wonder what I would do if anything ever happened to you. I've realized that if you die I won't be able to sponge off you anymore and that makes me sad.

That's why we need to make a plan for the future: I'd like to be in your will and/or the beneficiary of your life insurance policy.

And even if you don't have a fortune you can still leave me something. But, and this is very inmportant- it has to be something you know I'd want. For instance, Amber, please don't leave me Dusty as a joke because- I assure you- the joke will be on Dusty, a sad, scary joke, probably involving a woodchipper aimed at your headstone. I'm not a religious man, but I'd like to imagine you in the afterlife hearing a choir of angels, not the sound of shredded dog meat spewed onto a marble block.

I guess what I'm saying is: give me what I want and nobody gets hurt.

"Friday the 13th 3" 3-D DVD News

I saw yesterday that Friday the 13th 3 is coming out on DVD in 3-D in February. I can't wait.

Now they've gotta do Jaws 3.

"Blue Velvet"

Bluuuue Velvet (1986)

I'm watching Blue Velvet and you're watching it with me.

Kyle MacLauchlan plays a young man name Jeffrey Beaumont whose father has just had a heart attack. Later, in a field, he comes across a severed ear covered with ants. He breaks into the apartment of Dorothy Vallens (no relation to Ritchie). When she comes home early he hides in her closet till he's discovered. She's pissed, but instead of calling the cops, she makes him strip, and- on her knees- she kisses him.

They're interupted by Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper). He's pissed and huffing something. Jeff is back in the closet watching Frank rape Dorothy ("Don't you fucking look at me!" Frank keeps saying).

He's in and out.

Jeff comes out of the closet and gets Dorothy to bed. Rossellini has an intersting role- going back and forth between dominating to submissive. Roger Ebert has said he has a big problem with this movie- he feels that Rosselini is forced to degrade herself for no good reason- the story, the movie, doesn't justify the position that she puts herself in, and the situations that she/her charcater has to endure. I can't say whether or not it's worth it. I can say that she puts everything into her performance. (Did I mention I'm drunk on vodka? Just thought I should mention that. I don't always write this bad, sorry.)

I've been watching reruns of season 2 of Twin Peaks, amazed by how young Kyle Maclauchlan looks- and he's just a kid in this film.

Laura Dern too. A few years later she's in Wild at Heart. For a young woman she gives a very strong performance as Jefrey's girlfriend. She's still stunning; the last time I saw her she was playing the Poet Lauriet (that's probably spelled wrong) of the Bartlett administration on The West Wing. Still beautiful and interesting to watch.

I've seen parts of this movie before and always wanted to see the whole thing. Watching it you can see the progression to Twin Peaks- related images and themes. The moods that thet set are similar. I love a work of art that sets a mood. I've got no interst in movies that have a message or motive.

Clue sets a mood. My roommate has the DVD and I'm gonna try to watch it this weekend.

While everyone does a fine job in their role, ultimately it doesn't matter if things had been diferent. Chris Isaak could've been Jeffrey, Hellen Mirren might've been Dorothy and Sally was almost played by Molly Ringwold. None of that would've made a difference. It's the story and the music- it's the mood that this movie sets that makes it special.

n a side note, everyone in the movie looks exactly like mid-1980s, but miraculously they don't look dated like it was St Elmos Fire or something. That's an achievemnent.



And look at Brad Dourif- he's got the Miami Vice clothes but he's still a creepy guy from One Flew Over the Cukoos Nest and The Exorcist III.

And Dean Stockwell. I'm not sure but I think he's playing Joe Pesci's character from JFK. He might've been in as many Columbo episodes asd Peter Falk. I'll always remember him as Tony, Tony The Tiger, the best thing about Married to the Mob- even better than Matt Modine.


Gary Oldman in must've been thinging of Hopper in this movie when he did The Professional. He's super-creepy when he does what he he does with whatever those thing are. I think that song "That Thing You Do" was writtten about him.


(Note: You should see all the shit I just deleted. Retarded. Even worse than what you've just read.)

Leg-breaking news

When I was a kid I thought they were saying "leg-breaking news", as if the reporter was chasing after a dangerous story with such zeal that he might actually break one or both of his legs.

Car commercials, I realized last year, aren't saying "$250 'Do It' Signing". My whole life I've barely paid attention to car commercials and because of that I'm as bad at identifying cars as I am at identfying dogs.

There was one day last week when part of the Jason Mraz song "I'm Yours" played in a loop in my head- from "I been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror" to "So I drew a new face and I la-aughed" and all day long I wondered what it means. Why is he checking his tongue?

"Amityville II: The Possession"

Amityville II: The Possession

I was over at Final Girl this afternoon reading her post about the Amityville series. She mentioned that she was avoiding Part II because she can't stand Burt Young-"he looks like he smells like armpits and motoroil".

I couldn't agree more.

In the comments section, at least three readers pointed out what I wanted to: yes, he's a scumbag, but he dies a 1/2 an hour into it. They also said what an excellent movie it is and, again, I couldn't agree more.

Amityville II: The Possession might be the scariest movie I've ever seen.

The Possession is really a prequel, loosly based on the murders that ocoured before the Lutzs moved in. In 1974 Ronald DeFeo murdered his entire family. He later claimed that he had been possessed by a demon.

The film follows the oldest son, Sonny, as he is taken over by a demon in his family's new home. While listening to his walkman voices command him to "kill them all". His family sings "Happy Birthday" to him as a voice in his head calls them pathetic and says they deserve to die. One night he is home alone and an evil force follows him from the basement to his attic bedroom (the attic with those windows) and pushes him onto his bed where the spirit pounces on him, the camera rising and falling repeatedly. When his family comes home, Sonny sleeps with his sister and afterwards the mother suspects.

Anyone who has seen the movie will tell you that the second half of the movie is a blatent rip-off of The Exorcist. The DVD box may even admit that, I don't know. But before that is one of the creepiest sequences ever put on film.

It's bedtime on a stormy night and Burt Young is smacking the mother around. With relativly subtle make-up, the son looks evil and dead; he moves mechanically down from the attic and shoots his parents with a shotgun; then he goes after his siblings till there are only two left: his 7 year-old brother and his sister/girlfriend. He stalks his brother before creeping up behind and shooting him. Then he closes in on his sister while she begs for her life. He just grins.

It was incredibly upsetting to watch when I was eight. By then I'd already seen Halloween I & II plus a couple Friday the 13ths but they were nothing compared to this. For months after I'd lay in bed terrified that it could happen to me, that I might be possessed by a demon and forced to murder my family- watching it happen and unable to stop myself.

I was home alone one winter night about 12 years later. My roommates were away for the weekend and The Possession came on TV. It didn't keep me awake that night, but I found that it was still a highly effective movie. It fell apart at the end but the first half still makes Amityville II one scary movie.

Death Cab for Cutie

I was driving to a friends house and heard the coolest song. It's by Death Cab for Cutie- "You Can Do Better Than Me".

It reminds me of Tom Wait's "Anywhere I Lay My Head" but more sharp and polished.

At less than two minutes it leaves you wanting more- I wish it was fifteen minutes long.

When I looked it up I came across the album cover which I like- a simple idea and very attractive. I downloaded some of their other songs so I can see what they're about; I'm sure I'll find others I like.

This blog is over a month old

I don't officially feel like a blogger; maybe it's because my blog is so new, maybe it's because my blog has no readers. I think the main reason is that the blog has not yet fallen into place.

I want for it a forum for graphic art, specifically record sleeves. Beyond that I want it to spotlight things that I consider to be beautiful and worthy of attention. For example, in a previous post I wrote about the opening scenes of The Exorcist & The Shining, both examples of stunning visuals.

I'm not a writer, so all of this will be a big challenge (but fun).

I would like this to be a place where if someone happened to stumble across this blog they would find thing to interest them and hopefully appreciate some of the record sleeves, or decide "I think I'll check out the opening shot in The Shining and see what RJ is talking about". That is my goal & hope.

Hopefully along the way I'll improve my writing skills so that the blog is clear and fun to read.

So anyway, if you're reading this I hope you'll stop in from time to time. I plan to make it worth your time. Thank you for reading.

Sincerely,
RJ Battles

Movie Titles

I'd like to take a moment and complain about modern movie titles. I think they're missing a certain style and/or creativity.

Titanic
Twister
Gladiator
Volcano

How about an earlier Titanic movie- A Night To Remember? The title may not tell you what to expect exactly, but then again, there's promise.

"Get Right" by Jennifer Lopez

When Jennifer Lopez started making records it reminded me of Don Johnson, but actually I like most of the singles I've heard, especially "Get Right". I don't understand why it wasn't a hit or why it's never on the radio.

I love that video- Lopez dressed up in different outfits and wigs- it's just fun.

This song came out during an unhappy time in my life. I was bored and lonely and looking for something to fill the time, usually it was sleep. Sometimes, though, to help yourself you have to help other people. I began giving away all my money to inner-city teenagers, expecting nothing in return but heroin. "Get Right" was on a mix CD that I'd made and would listen to on the way to the city. Liz Phair's "Erecting A Movie Star", Bonnie Raitt's "Let Me In", "Cold Water" by Tom Waits- good songs to listen to while you're driving around looking for drugs.

My friend and I used to go together for a while, meeting on the edge of town- whoever had the most fuel in their car would be the driver and we'd go into the city. It was nice working together; we each had our own money, but for a while I was out of work and her car was out of service. I drove and she payed. She got her car back before I found work so she payed a while longer, which was sweet (the way to my heart is through my veins).

After I stopped I worried that certain songs might trigger cravings. Not really. It's only when my local TV news station does a report on flu shots. By the way, now's a good time to get a flu shot and I've gotta get myself to the city.

Hang on

The two B-sides are instrumentals; "Surf Epic" is over ten mins.

Stephen King

Years ago I took a class called "Ethnic Literature where we read Down These Mean Streets and Love Medicine. We were allowed to choose the subject of our final essay and, and the professor rejected my choice, Ayn Rand, saying that would be like letting me write about Stephen King, "Ayn Rand is not literature, or even good writing".

Though she didn't say it, the rejection had more to do with AR's politics than her writing abilities. AR was, after all, Russian by birth so she would've fit into the "ethnic literature" catagory.

Having read most of AR's writing, though, I can understand some of the complaints. While I wouldn't change much about The Fountainhead, Atlas Shrugged could use some serious editing. It's not that it's a long book; it's just that so much of it is not needed. I could chop out at least a quarter of it without losing a thing. Plus, despite what she or anyone else has said, nearly all of her post-Atlas writing had a very bitter tone to it.

But anyway, back to SK- at the time I had only read The Shining and Gerald's Game, both of which I liked.

Over the past few years I've picked up a few of his books from the library and borrowed others from friends.

Carrie I don't know what I expected but I was a little disappointed. Maybe because this was the big book that started his carreer.

Salem's Lot Again, not his best, I think, but I read it in two days. I'd even read it again.

Pet Sematary The movie was one of the scariest I've seen. I think a lot of that is because the subject matter itself is so upsetting. I couldn't imagine being a parent and reading it or seeing the movie.

Christine Fun, fun, fun

Misery I enjoyed it except that it made me crave pills big-time.

Delores Claibourne As good as it was, I can't help liking the movie better. I think I read somewhere that the part was written for her. And to this day if I ask my brother for money he'll say "I'd really like to help you, Delores, but all my money's tied up in cash".

Lisey's Story I read it one Sunday this past summer, which is always a bad idea. I get involved in the story and in that world and feel very freaked out afterward. The same thing happened with The Regulators and Desperation. Luckily a friend called an hour after I finished and said she was coming for a visit so that helped me snap out of it. I noticed this book got very good reviews, even from the New York Times.

I also read some of the other novels and short story collections; my favorite was Night Shift- just about every story in it is good.

My other favorite SK book is On Writing. I've read it about three times and if my copy was here I'd probably read it again. It's like you're in English class and SK is sitting at a desk Spaulding Gray-style and talking about life & writing.

And I love that kind of thing. I'm not a writer but I love reading about writing and "the creative process". I can't get enough of it.

A lot of people put SK in a catagory of "airport bookstore" writer, and that bothers me. I think it's a tremendous feat to write an entire book that someone else will want to read all the way through. Really. Haven't you started a lot of books- supposedly great books- and found them unreadable?

Michael Crichton, dead at 66

This August a friend loaned me his copy of the book Sphere and I read it on the front porch over a weekend. It was a lot of fun and it made me wanna see the movie and read some of his other books.

I've heard my friend and his ex-girlfriend talk about Jurasic Park and the differences between the book and the movie; I think I might get that from the library this week.

What I liked, aside from the story itself, was the way that MC introduced scientific ideas in a clear way, without them seeming out of place.